In the midst of the recent challenges, the busy pace of life, and the different experiences that weighed on my family and me, I have been reflecting deeply on our role as parents — and on how available we truly are to be involved.
In almost every parent counseling session I’ve led lately, one important topic has surfaced, one that concerns most parents: How do we create a connection with our children so they feel comfortable turning to us for advice? How do we build a relationship that is both a friendship and a safe place, while still maintaining boundaries and authority?
There is no doubt this is a delicate dance: two steps forward, one step back. One day, we experience a smile, a hug, or a story from school that fills us with joy. The next day, we face an argument, a sour face, or disappointment because we didn’t say something exactly the way they wanted.
Our role as parents is to adjust our communication to meet our children where they are — to share with them, to let them feel we need them just as much as they need us. At the same time, we must remember that children do not always see the bigger picture, and sometimes it is up to us, as the adults, to make decisions that serve their best interests, even if those decisions don’t align with their immediate wishes.
Being a parent means lifting our children up, offering a hand, saying a calming word, and reminding them that even when things are hard or unpleasant, tomorrow is a new day. Mistakes happen to all of us — the important part is to learn from them. It is equally important to show them that we, too, face difficulties. We are adults, but we are still learning and changing all the time. I’ve discovered that when I share my struggles with my children, they open up about theirs. When I tell them I need some quiet after a long, overwhelming day, they learn that it’s okay for them to ask for space too .As part of our busy lives, we’ve created small family rituals that help us maintain balance. Every day after school, I sit with my children for lunch, and we talk about our day. Each time, I’m surprised by how much I learn about their experiences and their perspective. I give them real feedback sometimes positive, sometimes as a lesson so they know I am truly listening. I’m grateful they ask me questions about my day too, and I gladly share what I can. There is no substitute for that hour. I hope everyone reading this will find their own version of it. Maybe not at lunchtime (which is my personal privilege), but at some point in the afternoon or evening half an hour to sit together, listen, and share.